How Sasuke stole Christmas
by Hammy Uchiha
Summary: Sasuke hates Christmas, but has come up with an idea to stop it from happening...


**This struck me last night after watching one of those random Christmas specials. Its not all poem so don't be scared away by that. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Dr. Seuss's brilliant work: How the Grinch stole Christmas.**

**You wouldn't believe how hard it is to rhyme like that...**

**Please Read and Review or Sai's abs will come for you.**

**Without further rambling...**_  
_

**How Sasuke Stole Christmas**

_Every ninja in Konoha_

_Liked Christmas a lot_

_But Sasuke who lived in north Konoha_

_Did NOT!_

_Sasuke hated Christmas,_

_And everything about it. _

_He even hated the presents_

_And wouldn't bother to shout it_

_It could be that his haircut had cost him three dollars more this week_

_Or maybe his headband was tied on too tight_

_But I could think the most likely reason of all_

_Was that his heart was fourteen sizes too small_

_But whatever the reason,_

_His hair or his headband_

_He stood on his rooftop on Christmas Eve, hating that village…_

_How incredibly lame. They're all just a bunch of losers. _Sasuke crossed his arms and stalked across the roof glaring at all the lighted windows in town. How could they celebrate? "It was all Itachi's fault," he muttered to himself. "If hadn't killed them all, I could be inside drinking hot cocoa like the rest of the pathetic fools in this village.

"_They're hanging their stockings!" he growled with a sneer._

"_Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"_

_Then he snarled and continued his pacing._

"_I MUST find a way to stop Christmas from lacing_

_Its happy hold around this stupid village"_

_For tomorrow he knew…_

Tomorrow they would be opening presents….every last ninja in this entire village…except for him. Sure Sakura would give him a present, but it would probably be a note asking him to take her on a date, or a basket of tomatoes that he couldn't have unless he took her on a date. And Sasuke seriously did not feel like taking Sakura on a date anytime in the near future. Naruto hated his guts and probably would pull some stupid prank on him a give him another pair of socks. Sasuke was sick of socks. The sensei might give him a present marked 'Don't open until you're 18,' but what good would that do for him now…or ever. Sasuke shuddered at the thought.

He sat down on his rooftop in the clean spot where all the snow had been knocked off while he was pacing. He glared at the village. They didn't understand him at all, and tomorrow morning while they were laughing and eating and enjoying themselves…he'd be home all alone.

"Urgh….something must be done about this…" muttered Sasuke still glaring.

_And THEN_

_They'd do something he hated most of all!_

_All the ninja in Konoha, short or tall_

_Would stand all together, with the Christmas bells ringing_

_They'd stand arm in arm and those ninja would start singing!_

_They'd sing and they'd sing, (though they couldn't carry a tune)_

_AND they'd SING! SING! SING! SING!_

_The more Sasuke thought of the whole ninja sing_

_The more Sasuke thought "I must stop this thing!"_

"_Why for a good…"he stopped to count his fingers, "a good seven years, I've put up with it now,"_

_I MUST stop Christmas from coming…_

"_But…HOW?"_

_Then Sasuke got an idea!_

_An awful evil idea!_

_Sasuke got an awfully wonderful evil idea!_

"_I've got a great plan, on just what to do," Sasuke smirked in his throat_

_And he set to work making a red Ninja Claus hat and coat_

_And he chuckled and smirked, "What a wonderful trick"_

"_With this fuzzy hat, and itchy coat I'll look just like Ninja Nick"_

"_Now all I need is a reindeer…"_

_Then Sasuke glanced around_

_But since reindeer are scarce, there were none to be found_

_Did that stop Sasuke…?_

_No! Sasuke simply said._

"_If I can't find a reindeer…I'll make one instead!"_

Sasuke leapt out the window and immediately saw what he was looking for. Rock Lee's squirrel scampered across the snow and Sasuke smirked evilly.

"Here, squirrelly, squirrelly, squirrelly," he whispered stalking after the squirrel. The squirrel turned back to see Sasuke's blood lusting gaze and ran for it. The dark haired Uchiha, in a red suit chased after him.

_He loaded some bags_

_And old empty sacks full of lint_

_On old ramshackle sleigh_

_And hitched up the rodent_

_Then Sasuke said "Giddyap!"_

_And the sleigh started down_

_To the homes where the ninja _

_Lay a snooze in their town_

_The windows and spy holes were dark. Quiet snow filled the air._

_All the ninja were dreaming sweet and ramen filled dreams without care_

_When he came to the first house in the square_

Sasuke came to a stop and let the panting squirrel rest. He leapt out of the sleigh with a semi malicious laugh and pulled his hat down. Smirking he stalked toward the first house, his problems would all soon be solved. Konoha would have no Christmas this year.

_Then he slid down the first chimney. It was a rather tight pinch. _(Sasuke realized that he was going to have to lay off the cookies for a while…)

_But if Ninja Claus could do it, _

"_So can I," said Sasuke with a smile._

_He got stuck only once, for a moment or too_

_Then he stuck out his head of the fireplace flue_

_Where the little ninja stockings all hung in a row_

"_These stockings," he smirked "Are the first things to go!"_

Sasuke grinned and snatched up the goodie filled stockings and threw them in his pack. He never knew causing people pain could be such fun. Maybe that's why Itachi…

No! He was nothing like Itachi and this was nothing like killing off a clan. Sasuke ate up the cookies and swallowed the milk in one gulp.

_Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant_

_Around the entire room and he stole every present!_

_Kunai! And roller skates! Fishnet! And drums!_

_Shougi boards! Onigiri! Sandals! And plums!_

_And he stuffed them in bags. Then Sasuke, very nimbly_

_Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!_

_Then he stalked to the fridge and stole the ninja feast!_

_He took the tomatoes and he took the roast beast!_

_He cleaned out the icebox, soybeans and all quick as a flash!_

_Why Sasuke even took the last can of ninja-hash!_

_("What is ninja hash?" he wondered)_

_Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee_

"_And now!" grinned Sasuke "I will stuff up the tree!"_

_And Sasuke grabbed the tree, and he started to tow_

_When he heard a loud sound like the caw of a crow_

_He turned around fast, and who should he see?_

_But his teammate Sakura, who was no more than fifteen_

_Sasuke had been caught by his teammate in Christmas themed sweats_

_Who'd gotten out of bed to another tissue of Kleenex_

_She stared at Sasuke and asked with a sniffle "Ninja Claus, why?"_

"_Why are you taking our Christmas tree? WHY?"_

The Uchiha was suddenly taken aback. How did she not recognize him?? Sakura sniffled again, obviously having obtained a cold since he had last seen her. She rubbed her nose.

"Why?" she asked again, obviously confused, and utterly naïve. Sasuke should have seized the moment immediately but he couldn't help but be shocked for several moments that he was in her house at all, and she was kinda pretty in her green pajama pants decorated with red Christmas trees. She cocked her head at him.

"You look familiar Ninja Claus…"

_But you know Sasuke so smart and so slick_

_He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!_

"_Why my sweet kunoichi," the fake Ninja Claus lied_

"_There's an ornament broken on this tree's left side_

"_So I'm taking it back home to my workshop, my dear_

"_I'll fix it up there, and I'll bring it back here."_

Sakura seemed to be starting to fully wake up as Sasuke spat out his lie to quickly explain. She cocked her head at him with a stuffed up sniff.

"Kay, Ninja Claus," she said groggily and sniffed again with a yawn.

_His fib had fooled his teammate, then he patted her head_

_He got her a Kleenex and sent her back to bed_

_When Sakura went to bed with her tissue_

_He went to the chimney and up the tree up he threw_

_The last thing he took_

_Was the log from the fire_

_Then he leapt up the chimney himself, the liar_

_On their walls he left nothing but hooks… and some wire_

Sasuke was pretty proud of himself as he loaded the bags into the sleigh and the squirrel looked afraid. He had fooled **Sakura** the smartest one on their team. She hadn't even suspected him! _Well I was disguised and she was sick…_

"Nonsense," he coughed to himself.

_And the one speck of food  
That he left in the house  
Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse._

_Then  
He did the same thing  
To the other ninja houses_

_Leaving crumbs  
Much too small  
For the other ninjas' mouses!_

Sasuke stole all of Naruto's ramen was a smirk and stole also the present Hinata had left for him. And he took Naruto's Christmas tree decorated with little cups of ramen. He stole all the gifts his two teammates had left for Kakashi, and he took several gifts from Neji to Tenten. He stole the new sketchbook Ino had gotten for Sai, and took the small gift Naruto had given Hinata, with his sick glee.

He loaded the whole stash of presents into his sleigh and pondered if he had missed anyone, before sneaking into the Hokage's house and stealing her sake, then, his evils accomplishments completed he leapt in the sleigh.

_It was quarter past dawn...  
All the ninja, still a-bed  
All the ninja, still a-snooze  
When he packed up his sled,  
Packed it up with their presents! The ribbons! The wrappings!  
The sparkly tags! And the glittering tinsel! The tomatos! The trappings!_

_Then he tugged it all to his garage  
A fine place to dump it!  
"Pooh-pooh to the shinobi of Konoha!" he was ninja-ish-ly humming.  
"They're finding out right now that no Christmas is coming!  
"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!  
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two  
"The all the ninja in Konoha will all cry BOO-HOO!" _

_"That's a noise," grinned Sasuke at peace with himself,  
"That I simply must hear!"  
So he leapt up to the roof and paused. And Sasuke put a hand to his ear.  
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.  
It started in low. Then it started to grow..._

_But the sound wasn't sad!  
Why, this sound sounded merry!  
It couldn't be so!  
But it WAS merry! VERY!_

_He stared down at Konoha!  
Sasuke popped his eyes!  
Then he shook!  
What he saw was a shocking surprise!_

_Every ninja in Konoha, the short and the tall,  
Were singing! Without any presents at all!  
He HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming!  
IT CAME!_

"I've failed!" cried Sasuke in despair as he watched all the villagers join together hand in hand. Sakura wasn't even beating Naruto over the head for once, she was still sneezing from her cold but she was smiling, and singing! SINGING?! SMILING?! Sasuke was very confused.

_  
Somehow or other, it came just the same!_

_And Sasuke, with his ninja-feet ice-cold in the snow,  
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?  
It came without ribbons! It came without tags!  
"It came without tomatos, boxes or bags!"  
And he puzzled three hours, till his head was sore.  
Then Sasuke thought of something he hadn't before!  
"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store.  
"Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!"_

_And what happened then...?  
Well...in Konoha they say  
That Sasuke's small heart  
Grew sixteen sizes that day!  
_

_And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,  
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light  
And he brought back the toys! And the food for the feast!  
_

"Hey! Sas-hey!" called Sakura waving as the Uchiha released the squirrel and was looking around furtively. Sakura was holding out a hand for him to join them. _Maybe it wouldn't be so bad…_ He walked over to join her.

_And he..._

_...HE HIMSELF...!_

Sasuke sat down at the table beside his two teammates and reached for the knife…_  
_

_Sasuke carved the roast beast!_

_**---------------**_

**Please review. : )**

**-Hammy Uchiha**_  
_


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